Bittersweet. People use the word all the time but when you find yourself in a situation that
fits the word, it is often more bitter than it is sweet. It’s often difficult
to describe our emotions when we find ourselves in one of these “bittersweet”
situations. More often than not it is because we are in uncharted territory. We
are navigating waters we have yet to travel and it feels almost impossible to
determine our exact feelings when we are having a difficult time getting our
bearings. This is parenthood. The milestones we reach with our children are
bittersweet. We want them to grow. We want them to change. We want them to
succeed. Those are the sweet spots. It’s the letting go we are forced to do in
the process that it is bitter. After all wasn’t it just yesterday that we held
them for the first time and whispered in their tiny little ear how we had never
loved anyone this much? Sure it was. To us it will always be yesterday.
My youngest
is graduating from preschool and while that sounds like the smallest of the
milestones to some, it is one of the biggest to me. You see preschool was a
magical time for us. It was a time that he got to go out on his own without me
for a little while, but was still right with me every step of the way. He left
me to learn his letters, numbers and colors. He left me to play trucks with his
friends. He left me to put puzzles together and have snack time with his pals.
He left me to play dress up. He left me to make hand prints on paper and watch
butterflies come to life. He left me skipping with a backpack that was way too
big for him to find out which one of his new friends had brought in cupcakes
for their birthday. He left me, but only for a short time. The moment I picked
him up he told me all about every minute of his day. He told me all about story
time. He told me all about that funny thing that Frankie’s brother did. He told
me everything. Every. Single. Thing. I don’t know much, but I know enough to
know it won’t always be this way. Preschool is a short two or three years but
it means so much more than the time reflects. As we come to the end of this
journey I realize it is not just an ending for him, it is one for me as well.
To the moms
I met in preschool,
We might not
have realized it at the time but we met each other at the sweet spot. We came together
at a time of innocence. Our children knew each other before they knew anything
about the big wide world that is awaiting them. Our children did not care about
where any of us came from. They only cared about snack time and play time. They
cared about who had a great story to share. They cared about the kid who was
crying because he missed his mom. They cared about the child who was absent and
wanted to know why and when they would return.
They didn’t
care about what their friends were wearing to school. They cared about their
friend who couldn’t have nuts and made sure to remind their mommy to bring a
snack she could safely have. They didn’t care about what their parents drove to
school. They cared about knowing who their mommy was and making sure they didn’t
leave if she was running late to soccer. They didn’t care about what their last
name stood for because they were just so proud to be able to recognize it at
circle time. They embraced one another’s differences without having to point
them out. They encouraged each other to be themselves. They were inclusive.
They were the epitome of innocence. They never cared about status. They never
cared about the exterior. All they ever cared about was each other.
The end of
this time is bittersweet not only for us, but for them even though they don’t
realize it now. They were able to enjoy a time of innocence with zero judgment.
They were able to be who they are without anyone telling them they should
change. They were confident. They were proud. They were kind. They were
helpful. They were what we all wish on a daily basis we had the courage to be.
They were true to themselves.
Ironically
we got to experience that too. We were a group of moms thrown into a school
without knowing each other, but because we had children who were judgment free,
we too were able to remain that way. We were able to show up at pick up every
day and talk to one another without issue. After all we have children who are
not hurting each other emotionally or physically. We have children who set an example.
We have children who have yet to be exposed to the hurt of the outside world.
Here we thought we had popped the bubble by enrolling them in preschool only to
realize we have been happily living inside one all along. I want to tell you all that this is a time I
will forever treasure. My son will grow and move on and he may from time to
time mention a pal from preschool. I want you to know that when he does I will
look back on those memories with nothing but fondness. I will look back at a
time when we all held the innocence of their age. I will look back at the
special days, soccer games, music classes and field trips and I will smile. I
will remember my son just like this because of all of you. We have no way of
knowing what the future holds for our children, but what we do know is that the
past will hold a treasure of beautiful childhood memories.
The ironic
part of our preschool experience is the realization that we can learn so much
from them. If we were somehow able to bottle up the innocence and have it carry
on through high school and adulthood it would be amazing. If we were able to
show adults what is really means to act like a kind human being, our kids would
be the example. Sure High School gets all the glory but Preschool is the place
where innocence still lives. Preschool is where judgment doesn’t exist and love
is a word thrown around with meaning. Our kids are graduating preschool but I
hope they carry the lessons they learned there with them forever.
All my best,
Jen
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| Learning to swim on his own. |
