The Plan

I worry too much. I always have.

I worry about everything. I always have.

I worry about the little things.

I worry about the big things.

I worry about the laundry getting done.

I worry about dinner.

I worry about homework.

I worry about the mess.

I worry about the clutter.

I worry about getting to where we need to go on time.

I worry about the kids.

I worry about being a good wife.

I worry about being a good mom.

I worry.

Don’t stress about the small things they say.  It isn’t until you are faced with a big thing that you realize how small the small things  really are.  I’m a mom. I worry because I love my family, but the truth of the matter is my worry won’t solve problems.  My worry will keep me up at night, but it won’t fix things.

My worry won’t change the words that I know I will hear over and over in my head. The worry won’t change the fact that I can’t control it all. It won’t change the fact that I would wish this away if I could. It just won’t.  When you hear a doctor tell you that there is something wrong with one of your children your world crashes down around you. Instantly. What was once your reality is long gone and you look down the road to a new reality hoping for answers.  When you’re a kid you think love can solve everything. The truth is it can’t but it sure does help.  So does hope. So I refuse to lose either of those things.  Life is changing for us and that’s okay. We will go forward with our new knowledge and we will come out stronger on the other side of this seemingly dark cloud.  

Aortic Aneurysm she said.  Significant size she said. We will figure this out she said. He is still a normal 2 1/2 year old she said. We are sending you for more tests she said…and then she handed me a tissue and just like that I looked at him laughing and playing and I smiled because hope and knowledge are what we have and that is a whole hell of a lot.  Life doesn’t go as planned but the plan is life.

 

 

 

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