The Story of Two

The Story of One: The details are clear. It wasn’t yesterday but the details are so very clear. It’s not something you ever forget. Nine long months went by of me eating what I thought was good for you, talking to you, fighting nausea, and extreme exhaustion. Nine months of me dreaming about what your face would look like.  Nine months of me wondering if you were a boy or a girl. Nine months of me wondering a whole lot of things.

Before those nine months ever came true there were years of me knowing I wanted you.  It may sound silly but for years before you were ever even a real idea I knew I wanted you.  A list of wrong guys, broken hearts, and chasing other dreams later I met your father.  I knew by our second date that one day we would welcome you into our lives. I knew.  I knew by the way he looked at me. I knew by the way he made me laugh and made me feel that this was it. I had always heard these crazy stories about people just knowing.  You see not everyone in life will accept you for who you are and make you feel special. When you find that it’s amazing. It’s rare. It’s worth sticking around for. Your father made me feel special. He made me feel loved. He made me feel like I was home.

And so I was…home that is. There was a wedding. It was awesome. We were surrounded by our loved ones and we danced and laughed and danced some more.  It was a perfect way to begin the story. We met, we fell in love and we married. It was a dream come true.

We had a couple years of working on the house, playing around and doing our thing. One day we looked at each other and knew someone was missing from the puzzle we were putting together.  It wasn’t without loss and some heartache that we finally came to the realization that we were in fact expecting you.  We were expecting this person we had yet to know anything about but we knew we were excited.  I spent many days talking to you, feeling your movements and praying you would be okay. You were perfect. From the moment your fingers grasped mine you were perfect, from the moment your eyes met mine you were mine. I will never forget the day I uttered the words: “Hi there.  It’s okay, I’m your mommy and I have been waiting for you.”  I would say it was love at first sight but that would be a lie. It was love from the moment I knew you existed.

 

A couple of years later I knew I wanted a sibling for you and so did your dad. We were ready. You had made our lives so much better and we were ready for more, but like my grandmother always used to say the best laid plans…well they don’t always work out. Your father needed open heart surgery. It wasn’t something we were prepared for but we got through it. We came out the other side of what looked like an impossible mountain and we were stronger because of it.

 

The Story of Two: We found out you would be joining our family with utter excitement 7 months after your father's surgery. Just like I had done with your brother; I talked to you every night. I wondered if you were a girl or a boy and I prayed everything would turn out okay. It did. You did. The night you were born I cried with excitement. I stared at you for hours. You were perfect. You were ours and we were yet again blessed.

 

 

 

I love you both with all my heart.

~Mommy

 

I am a mother.

I am not perfect.

I make mistakes.

I did not breastfeed longer than 4 weeks.

 

I wished for sleep.

I forget things.

 

I want time to slow down.

 

I want to fast forward to bed time.

I yell sometimes. (More often than I should)

I gave up my career.

I sometimes wish I were anywhere BUT here.

I realize HERE is the only place I want to be.

I love my family.

I’m not sure I can balance it all.

I do not have the answers to all the questions.

I suck at laundry.

I am looking for more patience. (No really where are you hiding?)

I'm not sure I have a clue what I am doing.

I sometimes need a break.

I am trying to make my husband a priority.

I am realizing non-kid dates are pretty awesome.

I am doing the best I can.

I love my family.

I love this life.

 

This has been an introduction to Motherhood Mondays here on Outsmarted Mommy. Every week you will know that you are not alone in this battle we call motherhood.  Every week another amazing writer will be featured with a different story about motherhood. I promise stories that will move you, make you laugh, make you cry, make you think and make you realize you are not alone. You may not always agree with their stance but I ask you to: Respect it because we may have differences but in the end we are all mothers.  We may not have arrived here in the same way but we are here and while we are here it would sure be great to hold each other up, laugh once in a while, cry every now and then and just know that together we can conquer so much more than we can alone. No one tells a story quite like a mother.