A One Way Ticket To Opinion Town

So it’s the moment…the one you’ve always dreamt of…you peed on the stick and you’re waiting, anxiously waiting.  Suddenly in exactly two minutes time your world has completely changed. Congratulations, you’re going to be a mom. We don’t all get to this place in the same way. Some women plan for months, years and finally it happens. Some women don’t have time to plan at all because surprise…it happens. Some women go through great struggle before finally getting that positive sign. No matter how you got here there is one thing we all share in common, and it’s not the developing human inside of you. It’s the annoying fact that the minute you decide to share with the world that you are in fact pregnant IT begins. IT is so annoying. IT will aggravate you, offend you, cause you to nod and smile more than you ever thought possible, you may even shed a few tears. Just know that you are not alone and IT happens to every new expectant mother and I’m sorry to say once IT starts IT never stops. What is IT? Well IT is an opinion and everyone has one and they are about to think that you want to hear it. UGH! Trust me UGH!

So in no particular order here are a few of my favorite, stick an ice pick in my own ears, opinions that people (usually women because if it’s a guy he didn’t live past the first opinion he shared with a pregnant woman on being pregnant) will share with you.  You should note a lot of them can be disguised at first in the form of a question but just know that they are headed to opinion town just down a different street but you’ll get there eventually.

 

1.      Are you going to eat that? *Slowly removes chocolate kiss from mouth* I was why? Well everything you eat the baby eats. Chocolate has caffeine in it so you should really think before you eat that. *Now had someone told me my kids were going to have three times as much energy no matter what I ate as I could have with a whole pot of coffee and six Redbull I would have told this person to take a hike and eaten a whole bag of chocolate RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEM. You may not get anything about chocolate but trust me at some point some idiot will talk to you about what you are, aren’t and should be eating and it won’t be your Dr. it will be Mrs. Know it all from two cubicles down. She sucks!

2.      Are you going to breast feed or bottle feed? * Well considering I peed on a stick all but 48 hours ago I hadn’t really thought it completely through yet, my bad!* You really should breast feed it’s best for the baby. Formula fed kids have all sorts of issues. *Yes I know what you mean I see them walking around with 4 noses and 6 arms* Here’s the thing about feeding your baby. It’s YOUR baby and you need to do whatever makes you comfortable and happy. A stressed out mother does not make for a happy baby. So don’t worry about what Boobie Betty says if you want to bottle feed your child will be just fine trust me, and vice versa don’t listen to what Negative Nellie has to say about not breastfeeding and using formula instead.  Just because Nellie had a bad experience breastfeeding doesn’t mean you will. Do what you want. You and your baby will be just fine with whatever you choose.

3.      Are you going to stay home with your baby or go back to work? I mean you can’t put a baby in daycare that would just be awful. *Yes I know I hear they are run by wolves* or You can’t JUST stay home with your baby. You will be so bored. What on earth will you do all day? *True I hear kids pretty much take care of themselves after the first few weeks so I see your point*  PLLLLLLEASE!

4.      Are you going to find out what you’re having? NO? You HAVE to find out. How could you not want to know? Don’t you want to plan and be able to buy everything? Isn’t it just going to kill you to not know? *Well I hope it doesn’t kill me because that can’t be good for the baby and buy everything? Are there specific diapers for girls vs. boys? Or cribs? Or bottles?  You’re going to find out what you’re having? You can’t find out. There are so little surprises left in life. *Good point I am in no way surprised by how rude and annoying you are.*

5.      Whatever you do don’t complain to people that you aren’t sleeping because this is sure to follow: HA if you think it’s bad now good luck when the baby comes. You better sleep all you can now because just forget it, it’s over! *Well now I get up because I have to pee 129 times every two hours,  or my back hurts, or my legs hurt, or I have heartburn, or random insomnia so thank you for letting me know that this exhaustion will continue Captain Obvious but I was already aware that babies don’t sleep for 15 hours a night because they require nutrients or some crap*

 

 

So there you have it my top 5 annoying opinions given to pregnant women everywhere. Here’s the thing once you become a mom the opinions never stop. You will get uninvited opinions on your child’s food, sleep, play, behavior, speech, potty training (don’t even get me started on that one), preschool, kindergarten, when you should give them a sibling, and on and on it will go. Do yourself a favor and learn to tune people out. I personally like to pretend Adam Levine in singing in my head when people start with an opinion that I didn’t ask for…it’s much more pleasant.  

 

There is a lot women can learn from other women and there are plenty of times that as mom’s we reach out to each other for advice and it’s welcome advice. We learn from our mom’s, our sister’s, our grandmother’s. There will always be someone though who thinks they did it better because they did it before you and to that I say this: Cavewomen thought they had the whole child rearing thing down, but I’m pretty sure if they were able to see us now they could learn a few things.  There is no better way to do things if what you are doing is what works for you and your child.  Just go with it. You are a mom now and you’ve got this!